Communication · 6 min
Talking about STI testing
Testing conversations are easier when they exchange specific information and avoid ‘clean’ or ‘dirty’ labels.
Key takeaways
- Ask what was tested and when.
- Discuss new exposure since testing.
- Choose barriers or testing based on your comfort, not pressure.
Use neutral words
Say ‘When were you last tested?’, ‘Do you know which tests were included?’, and ‘Have there been new exposures since then?’ This describes health information without assigning moral value to a result.
Share your plan
You can say ‘I want us to use condoms until we have results,’ ‘I am comfortable with oral sex using a barrier,’ or ‘I want to talk with a clinician first.’ A boundary can be respectful and firm at the same time.
If someone discloses an infection
Listen, ask what treatment or follow-up was recommended, and avoid blaming. A clinician can explain treatment, partner notification, and when sex is medically appropriate again.
Practice the sentence before the moment
For talking about sti testing, write one sentence that says what you want, one that says what you do not want, and one that leaves room for a partner’s answer. Communication is clearer when it is specific and timed before pressure is high.
Use observations instead of accusations: ‘I noticed we keep skipping the condom conversation’ is easier to work with than ‘You never care about safety.’ Ask for a small next step, listen to the answer, and return to the topic later if either person needs time.
A good conversation does not guarantee agreement. It gives people enough information to choose, negotiate, pause, or decide that the plan does not fit. Respecting an answer is part of communicating well.
- I want…
- I do not want…
- Would you be open to…?
Questions to carry forward
The central idea here is: ask what was tested and when. Read it alongside your own context rather than treating it as a universal rule. If two people are involved, ask what each person wants, what each person is unsure about, and what would make stopping or changing course easy.
A useful next step can be small: save a question for an appointment, talk before the next encounter, check a product label, adjust the pace, write down a symptom timeline, or take a break from a comparison trigger. Small steps make education actionable without turning it into pressure.
- What do I know, and what am I assuming?
- What information would change my next decision?
- Who is the right person to ask if this remains unclear?
Sources & further reading
- How to Prevent STIsCenters for Disease Control and Prevention
- Getting Tested for STIsCenters for Disease Control and Prevention
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